Tend the Fire - Inner Life with the Holy Spirit

Jan 11

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It’s been a while. I want to remind the reader that my aim here is not to teach, but to share my stories and experiences as a fellow sojourner grappling with the challenges of navigating the “narrow road”[i] in unprecedented times at the end of the age, in the hope that some of them might resonate and point to the Teacher.[ii] Be well in your travels and maranatha!

John answered them all, saying, “I baptize you with water, but he who is mightier than I is coming, the strap of whose sandals I am not worthy to untie. He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and fire.

Luke 3:16

“When the day of Pentecost arrived, they were all together in one place. And suddenly there came from heaven a sound like a mighty rushing wind, and it filled the entire house where they were sitting. And divided tongues as of fire appeared to them and rested on each one of them. And they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in other tongues as the Spirit gave them utterance.”

Acts 2:1-4

There’s a profound difference between artificial light and firelight. Think 60-watt bulb screwed into the end of a pole and draped with a pretty shade verses a hot, crackling campfire – radiating heat, sending dancing sparks upward in wisps of pungent smoke, and cutting through the darkness in every direction. There really is no comparison past the most basic job of providing light. It’s that way with artificial light verses God’s Fire-Light, too, but we’ll get there.

I don’t fully understand what happens in the presence of a good fire. We’re drawn to it. The mind naturally slows. Something contemplative awakens and responds to the popping tussle between logs and flames – hard, unyielding wood helpless to resist hot, light-bearing tongues so ethereal that they are impervious even to being caught in hand. This in itself is profound.

Sit near the fire long enough and lights and shadows begin to blur together while the mind’s eye takes over and meanders inward to roam the hallways of the mind and heart. Queued up thoughts and feelings are given audience, along with internal issues and areas of disorder in need of tending. In the presence of a good fire, even normally locked doors dare allow themselves to be cracked open. Memories thaw. Reflection happens. Indeed, ponderings of ultimate meaning and purpose unfold by the warmth and flicker of firelight.

Turn the lens a click (for those surrendered to Christ*) to bring the Holy Spirit[iii] into focus. You can discern his whisper, engaging you as He does His work[iv] – softening stony patches, shedding light in dark places, clothing nakedness, quenching thirst, dissolving shame, breaking chains, binding up wounds, and settling in to just be together.[v]

“Blessed be the name of God forever and ever…

he reveals deep and hidden things;he knows what is in the darkness,and the light dwells with him…”

Babylonian King Nebuchadnezzar – Daniel 2:20b,22

This is what being in a relationship with the triune God feels like to me.[vi] But it hasn’t always…

I have bookends on either end of my 34-year spiritual life… spectacular ones. On one end, my first year as a spiritual newborn in Christ – a fiery, thirst-quenching, bone-penetrating, frequently surprising, and sometimes terrifying relationship with a very real God. On the other end, a very similar picture but in a more mature form. (Note: I did not say breezy, happily ever, or free of trouble, suffering, or sacrifice.[vii] I said spectacularly fiery, bone-penetrating, thirst-quenching…)

In between the two ends is an eclectic curation of books, chapters, and seasons. There’s a lot in those books, and we all have our own personalized set of them. Rich, hard, beautiful, painful layers of life that God orchestrates, all the while doing His work in us and through us. Those books are meant to tell a story to the world, of who Jesus is and what He’s done for us. But, right now, I want to talk about those bookends.

As I look back and compare, I see that infancy in Christ and maturity in Christ have some really important things in common. A few of them stand out in the context of this story:

Nakedness. I’ll go first. On the night I surrendered my life to Jesus, I was a years-in-the-making white-hot mess, and I knew it. For the entire year that followed, I had no choice but to sit back and rest in the fact that I had absolutely nothing to hold up to contribute to my recovery, or to hide my broken, sinful self from His gaze. I was a naked soul, sitting in my proverbial mud bog, at the mercy of a benevolent savior to hike me over his shoulder and carry me to a safe place, clean me up, clothe me, feed me, and take on the daunting task of restoring me back to a whole person. I’ll tell you, the Holy Fire has never felt so hot, so persistent, and so solely motivated by love as that year.

In between the bookends, a perpetual cycle of coming near to Him, feeling the painful exposure of my broken places to His fiery touch, then running away to go looking for a less painful, less exposing, less humbling way to do life. I tell you, there are a gazillion sources of artificial light, stamped with the signature of the “masquerader of light,”[viii] to trade down to when running away from the Holy Spirit’s Fire-Light – life strategies of every variety claiming to have the better answer to every problem. Rebellious strategies and religious ones. Strategies of talent, skill, wealth, power, and “love.” Strategies of dominant advancement or passive escape. Center stage or secrecy. Truthfully, I’ve probably dabbled in them all. The commonality: self-rule, some really fun masks, and a very cold soul.

These are the kinds of confessions that make Christians in survival mode shudder and gnash their teeth. The first bookend is freely given, but before the second one is set in place, a person will discover what the difference is between a mud bog and a white-washed tomb – nothing.[ix]

Thirty-three years later… I have a few short years invested in learning to press into the heat of the Fire and stay there. I’ve learned that the pain of conviction, confession, remorse, humility, and restoration is an ever-present but tolerable and good kind of pain that is intertwined with divine intimacy as warm and near as a breath.

Stay naked.

It takes time for Jesus to convince a person that He is who He says He is, loves you the way He says He does, and will do what He says He will do… even when you don’t, no matter how desperately you want to, because you can’t… without His help.[x]

One of the big rediscoveries of the last few years has been that Jesus isn’t looking for me to be faithful at the outset. He knows that I’m not. He’s looking for me to come to the Fire naked at a soul level – carrying my rebelliousness, unfaithfulness, blame-shifting, shirked responsibilities, cowardice, secrets, and fears – so He can heal me and help me to be faithful.

I’ve learned that the naked state he found me in is the way He wants me to stay, but bathed in His truth and grace. Everyday, I need to strip off the I’ve-got-it-all-together mask and look into His eyes, trusting in His gracious capability to forgive and change me. I need to come to the Fire, every day, and peel off the layers of self-protection so I can be healed, enjoy being fully known and fully loved, and be reminded of Who God sees when He looks at me.[xi]

Tend the fire.

It’s not a mystery to seasoned Christ-followers that the Holy Spirit’s voice is always the quietest one in the room. And how much we hear from Him depends on how quiet we’re willing to get.[xii] Similarly, most of us understand the living and active nature of the Scriptures when we read them with hearts open.[xiii]

But the thing I lost sight of until recent years was how gregarious, interactive, and responsive to my questions the Holy Spirit is when I live like I'm His bride -- if I’m willing to keep my busy life thinned out, turn off my handheld window to the world, and engage in the kind of captivated interaction with Him that anyone would expect for a love relationship to thrive. Oh, the patience of the Man-God we love…

To be continued…

There are so many things that will challenge us as we navigate the narrow road at the end of the age, and those challenges are only going to intensify the closer we get to Jesus’ return. I imagine there will be times when the fire we’re trying to stay close to will look more like a candle just ahead of us in the darkness, showing each of us only one step to follow at a time. But Jesus said that if we stay close to Him, we will not walk in darkness.

“… ‘I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.’”

Jesus – John 8:12

*(If you are new to the idea of entering into a personal relationship with God through faith in his Son, Jesus Christ, and want to know more, it’s as simple as this:

“… ‘The word is near you, in your mouth and in your heart’ (that is, the word of faith that we proclaim); because, if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes and is justified, and with the mouth one confesses and is saved.” Romans 10:8-13

Being reborn in spirit,[xiv] as Jesus refers to it, is an exchange – your confession of sin, repentance (expressed willingness to turn and go in the other direction with His help), and entrusting your heart and life to him – in exchange for – full forgiveness through Jesus’ sacrificial death and resurrection on your behalf, your adoption as God’s eternal child, the gift of the Holy Spirit who dwells in the most holy place of your heart.

The way forward is difficult, and you should count the cost before you make your decision.[xv] But the earthly troubles ahead are “light and momentary” in comparison to life with Jesus for eternity and the worth of knowing Him.[xvi] The Holy Spirit will fill you, teach you and guide you through the “living and active” written Word of God,[xvii] and help you to live and walk by faith until you sleep[xviii] or until Jesus returns to fully establish his kingdom on earth.[xix])